![]() The couple are then expected to make a decision on whether to marry. If a match is made – either through a marriage site or word of mouth – the prospective couple often then have a handful of “dates,” usually chaperoned by family members. “When you are reduced to a set of qualities on a piece of paper, and I’m sure this holds true for men as well, it’s profoundly objectifying and that’s what puts me off the whole thing,” she said. She requested to use a pseudonym to avoid offending her family. You’re dehumanized to such an extent and I don’t think the families even realize this,” said Mira, a 26-year-old lawyer who lives in New Delhi. Many families see such data as crucial for a successful match, but more liberal Indians view some criteria – particularly caste and complexion – as discriminatory. For women, the post might also specify their weight, body type and complexion. Occupation, income, religion and caste are all listed. But while dating site bios are typically fun and witty, the information shared on a marriage site is much more personal. Matrimonial sites function in a similar way to dating sites, encouraging users to post their personal information to find a match. You’re dehumanized to such an extent and I don’t think the families even realize this. ![]() In the past, such information may have been confined to that inner circle, but now it’s often also on the internet for the world to see. Lists can also be shared with family friends, a local priest or even a paid matchmaker of the kind featured in Netflix’s hit show “Indian Matchmaker,” although that is increasingly rare. Traditionally, families would write up a resume of their children’s vital statistics – weight, height, complexion and caste – and share the list with the parents of prospective partners. Over time, the system spread to other communities for similar reasons. DIBYANGSHU SARKAR/AFP via Getty ImagesĪrranged marriages date back centuries as a way for upper caste families to maintain their status and consolidate assets. While the methodology may be modernizing, many young Indians still say the old measures of compatibility – such as caste and complexion – are discriminatory and need to go.Ī bride exchanges flower garlands with a groom as part of their traditional marriage ceremony in Kolkata in July, 2020. Instead of relying on family connections, many young Indians and their parents are turning to online marriage sites to find a partner. Technology is also replacing traditional methods of matchmaking. She’s not so sure.Įither way, she says she will have more control over her future than her sister.Īrranged marriages are still the norm in India, but there’s a growing trend for some women to choose their own partners – or to not marry at all. Now aged 30, Ananya knows that her family would love her to settle down with a spouse. I don’t think she was prepared and she didn’t seem to be that happy bride … I think 19 is too young to get married,” says Ananya, who requested to use an alias to discuss personal family matters.Īnanya’s parents chose her sister’s husband, as well as partners for her two other sisters, who got married when they were 22 and 26 years old. “My oldest sister’s marriage was traditional. They’d talked a handful of times on the phone. Her sister was 19 years old at the time, and had only met her new husband once before, a few months earlier. Ananya was 15 when she watched her older sister marry a man she barely knew.
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